Still no baby

Still no baby. Set for the induction on Monday night - so we'll probably have baby in our arms no later than Tuesday. I am really un-excited about the induction. I really want this baby to come on his own; I really don't like the added c-section risk that an induction brings.

In all of the focus on the waiting part, I feel like I've stopped thinking about the baby part. I was so busy getting everything ready for so long, but the nursery has been completely put together for almost a month now. Now I spend all my time cleaning things that I know I won't clean after the baby arrives and trying to keep my mind off of the contractions that come off and on all day but never show signs of strengthening. I feel that with all of the waiting that I've forgotten that what I'm actually waiting for is a baby! Like somehow I'll be surprised when at the end of it all they hand me a little person and look at them in disbelief when told he or she is my child. Right now I just can't seem to wrap my mind around it. It makes me feel a little guilty, because I should be really eager and excited, right? All I can think about is being NOT pregnant and not the reward of this journey. Somehow I feel that at least if labor starts on its own (there is still some time left!), it will put me into the right state of mind to deliver this baby. I'm afraid that going in to be induced after not wanting that will make me feel too much like I am going in for a medical procedure. The increased chances of a c-section don't help either!

All of that said, I'm certain that my due date is dead on - in fact, the 15th is the latest I would put my due date, based on when I know this child was conceived. That means waiting past Tuesday to induce puts munchkin at 'past due' and we would have to worry about other rising risk factors that would bring for our baby. I just pray that my worries are for nothing because my body will go into labor on its own, or at least that we are making the right decision for both me and the baby.